But first: British archeologists have gotten their panties in a bit of a kerffuffle over an ancient Biblical artifact which some say is more important than the discovery of the dead sea scrolls. Yesterday, the Indiana Jones wannabees announced that 70 lead codices (or book pages) could be the key to the final days of Jesus' life. The archeologists have been approached by Steven Spielberg who wants geriatric Harrison Ford to reprise his role as the whip-cracking adventure seeker... But inside sources close to the group say that archeologists believe Spielberg to be the Anti-Christ, and are now traveling up a volcano with a bubbly blond to sacrifice the filmmaker in lava as the ancient codices have instructed them.
Back to our around the clock coverage of Libya, Moammar Gadhafi has got the rebels on the run, recapturing a strategic oil-town within mere shakes of a lambs-tail of big cities. In turn, Westerner forces have sent out the F-15s, only to have one crash in the volcano where archeologists have brought Steven Spielberg to sacrifice him to their ancient god. CIA operatives have been sent in to asses the damage, for according to the dead-sea scrolls, if Indiana Jones part 5 ever gets made, it could truly be the last sign of the apocalypse. That's all for the news, and let's all hope that we're all not going to die!