Monday, April 4, 2011

UtopiaLand Comic: Obama's Re-Bid, Terry Jones, Radioactive Milk

Today in headlines Barack Obama uses the internets to announce his bid for re-election, Terry Jones likes getting people killed, and I build a dairy farm in my basement to that I can have radiation-free milk.

But first: Barack Obama formally announced Monday that he would once again be seeking the highest seat in our nation as a representative of the Democratic party, sending shockwaves throughout the nation. With three wars on his hands, including his latest military you got to be fucking kidding me launched without the consent of Congress, most assumed he had switched sides, and this time around would be heading up the ticket for the GOP.

In his announcement, Obama encouraged Americans to protect all the change he had brought in his first term. Okay, sure, he passed his health bill, the act for 9-11 responders, gays in the military. But you can't go blowing up every country with oil and still tell me with a straight face that you're not looking a little like ol' George W Bush these days. I digress.

In lighter news, Pastor Terry Jones (not of Monty Python) burned his Koran, and upsetting the muslim world and Moustache afficionadoes everywhere by ruining that look for everyone. Much like Hitler did with his lip fuzz. Here in the states- I still don't like Rebecca Black or her song.

That's the news. Isn't it fun being a part of end times?

Friday, April 1, 2011

UtopiaLand Comic: James Earl Ray Still a Douche/ Fidel Castro Dies

New photos of an old douche-bag released. James Earl Ray, who assassinated Martin Luther King on April 4th, 1968 is the douche-baggish star of this new photo-spread. The photos reveal the startling revelation that: Once a douche-bag, always a douche-bag. I hope that scientists one day clone him so that he can be released into a dinosaur park, and his flesh can be torn from the bones by a velociraptor.

Also: Fidel Castro died. He was believed to have a robotic colon. That's news for now. I'm Chuck Smilington, wishing you nuclear-radiation-free weekend.


Thursday, March 31, 2011

UtopiaLand Comic - Jet Crashes/ Libya FM Quits/ Artifact Excites Indiana Jones Community

Today in headlines, a US Jet crashes in Libya, Libyan foreign Minister Moussa Koussa gets the EFF out of town, and Gadhafi admits that this whole Libya thing is merely a rouse to up his ranking in search engines and give a boost to his fledgling acting and modeling career.

But first: British archeologists have gotten their panties in a bit of a kerffuffle over an ancient Biblical artifact which some say is more important than the discovery of  the dead sea scrolls. Yesterday, the Indiana Jones wannabees announced that 70 lead codices (or book pages) could be the key to the final days of Jesus' life. The archeologists have been approached by Steven Spielberg who wants geriatric Harrison Ford to reprise his role as the whip-cracking adventure seeker... But inside sources close to the group say that archeologists believe Spielberg to be the Anti-Christ, and are now traveling up a volcano with a bubbly blond to sacrifice the filmmaker in lava as the ancient codices have instructed them.

Back to our around the clock coverage of Libya, Moammar Gadhafi has got the rebels on the run, recapturing a strategic oil-town within mere shakes of a lambs-tail of big cities. In turn, Westerner forces have sent out the F-15s, only to have one crash in the volcano where archeologists have brought Steven Spielberg to sacrifice him to their ancient god. CIA operatives have been sent in to asses the damage, for according to the dead-sea scrolls, if Indiana Jones part 5 ever gets made, it could truly be the last sign of the apocalypse. That's all for the news, and let's all hope that we're all not going to die!


Wednesday, March 30, 2011

UtopiaLand Comic - Gadhafi's Son/ Donald Trump Birth Certificate Fake/ Clooney & Berlusconi



Yesterday, sources revealed that until the Libyan uprising, Khamis Gadhafi, Muamar Gadhafi's son was in the US on an internship. What was the lunatic dictator's son up to while on his internment? He was tralloping around Broadway, taking in shows of Mamma Mia... Oh- and learning from an engineering firm called AE-COM how to modernize Libya.

Since rushing home, Gadhafi Junior has played a key role in helping Daddy to smother the uprising of Mad-Max/ The Road Warrior-styled combatants from seeking freedom from captain-crazy cakes. Big Daddy Gadaffi, nor his despot-kimono could be reached for comment. In other news, Donald Trump, a self-proclaimed birther, was hoping for a quick swift kick to Barack Obama's nut-sack, when Trump publicly released his own birth certificate in order to prove how simple it would be for Obama to do so. The problem is, New York City officials say Trump's birth-certificate is junk. Or at the very least, it isn't official. It looks as though the birthers will have to add old Donny's name to their blacklist.




Tuesday, March 29, 2011

UtopiaLand Comic - Barack Obama's Libya Speech, Steven Tyler is the new Ellen DeGeneres

Barack Obama speech, Libyan Rebels-- Mummar Gadaffi's despot-kimono Steven Tyler the new Ellen DeGeneres of American Idol... Ellen DeGeneres in the unenviable position of attempting to be the new Steven Tyler of crazy old lesbians.... Plus, there is sure to be something about the news as well.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Deus ex Machina: A FILM REVIEW of "Little Gods" by Robert P. Young

Robert P. Young

I recall seeing a post from a Facebook friend regarding the ubiquitous Hitler meme culled from the gripping movie Der Untergang. This scene is in Hitler’s bunker, where all is lost, and Hitler’s generals are reluctantly telling him that the cavalry will not arrive. Hitler characteristically explodes and blames everyone and everything but himself for losing the war.

It is powerfully acted by Bruno Ganz, but when it is subverted for use as a meme, Hitler dutifully rants about everything from losing at Xbox to hating the controversial revamp of Star Trek to expressing disgust at LeBron James’ “decision.”

Technology now allows us to alter what was once sobering into something incongruously mundane.

What if soldiers—and I hope non-Axis ones—had iPhones back in the 1940’s? Despite the politics of the leaders, average soldiers are pretty similar. Young. Full of bravado. Ball-busting constantly. Fearful. Unintentionally poignant.

Gods’ lead character, Private Doss (Matthew Schlichter) is no John Wayne as a soldier. (Doubly so—Doss actually served.) Wide-eyed, youthful, it’s surprising that he’s married, rather than playing the field with girls his age. But then again, he’s in the military, a world in which men take on responsibility earlier than the average man-child Kay Hymowitz writes about.

Where does Doss come from? We see his family about halfway into the film. His wife is pleasant enough. But Doss’s blood relatives have the real spark—dysfunctional even as they send their video messages of love. His mother is overbearing, physically dominating the screen by standing too close to the camera. She casually embarrasses her older son, Danny, by claiming that her late husband would be proud only of the son in Afghanistan. Like a good suburban mother, her suspicions about why her thirty-five year old son “with a good job” still lives with a male “roommate” are only skin-deep. Did Doss join the military to get away from this dynamic, or because there weren’t other good jobs like his brother’s? The film doesn’t answer those questions, but having them in the back of my mind deepened my interest.

Back in Afghanistan, each of the soldiers gets a chance to mug for the camera, and it seems like this will be a spring break video in “camo” gear. Then we are reminded that this is war. Doss’s best friend, a smart-mouthed, resourceful black man nicknamed “Trench,” is ignominiously killed while defecating in the open air.

Immediately after, Doss’s traumatized eye fills the frame, unblinking, almost as if it is as dead as his friend’s. Though overused later, this is a strong choice.

Back in the barracks, the soldiers’ superior officer expresses his regret that not all of his men will return home. Trench’s sleeping bag is rolled up and his effects surround his cot. Seeing the space, for the first time without the man, was striking—it made me feel his death far more powerfully than seeing a corpse. The real pain of death is what you leave behind.

Doss descends into depression and anti-social behavior. The line readings, which previously played out as 100% spontaneous and improvisational, seemed a little less convincing after this turning point, a side-effect of what I suspect was the need to adhere somewhat more closely to the script. Despite this slight lessening of the fly-on-the-wall/ documentary feeling, it is not to the detriment of the film overall. In fact, Schlichter's charisma easily, as well as that of the entire cast overpowers any shortcomings in the shooting technique.

Spear’s unflinching choice to show the unpleasant side of the iPhone, a voyeuristic device at the most inappropriate times--especially when a maimed (and possibly dying) soldier pleads with Doss not to film him in his condition—is quite impressive. True, Doss is capturing a powerful moment, much like a photographer would have captured Pulitzer-prize winning images from 9/11 or Katrina, but it begs the question, where is your humanity, your decency, when you choose to film rather than to help?

The soldiers are fascinatingly vulnerable human beings. This is where I believe the film is most successful, in depicting our soldiers as people we would—and do—have a beer with, rather than as statistics, victims, or killers. Yet these ordinary men have volunteered to put themselves into extraordinary circumstances. They are demigods—little gods—with their courage.

When future generations look back at our generation’s wars, they will not be separated from their ancestors like we were with the barriers of black and white footage and stagecraft from the media and the government. They will have great gifts like Ms. Spear’s Little Gods, which will illustrate the unfiltered horrors of war along with the triumphs of survival. Little Gods will not only reduce you to tears, it will get your blood boiling. Little Gods is a triumph as a film, and doubtlessly it will do more for today's soldiers than any recruiting ad will.

Don’t ignore this iPhone call.

Film: "Little Gods"
Director: Elizabeth Spear
Film's website: www.littlegodsfilm.com
Screening at Reel Fest, March 15th, 2011 www.reelfest.org

Review written by Robert P. Young III
Editor: Rod Webber
Published by Reel Zine
© Reel Zine 2011

Monday, March 14, 2011

FILM REVIEW: MODUS OPERANDI Uno, Dos, Trejo! By Joseph James Bellamy



Joseph Bellamy
Born in 1974, I missed the popular explosion of the so called ’Exploitation’ genre, having instead been part of the generation that made huge budget , FX laden action blockbusters the film of choice in Hollywood. Having seen Modus Operandi, I now miss what I didn’t know. 
Aiming to capture the romance and allure of these lower-budget, harder-boiled classics, Writer/Director Frankie Latina’s Modus hit’s the mark like a sniper shot, and makes it look as smooth and easy as uno, dos, Trejo! With a Porn-Star pedigree (Former Porn A-lister, Actress, and Independent Film Maven Sasha Grey touts a ‘Presented by:’ Credit on the film ) , bare bones, 8mm vision, life-is-as-cheap-as-bullets narrative and the casting of Hollywood’s hands-down scariest bad guy, Modus Operandi is an outstanding, cult-ready ready offering for the cerebral film-goer, and the booms-and-boobs audience alike!

Shot in a medium once relegated to the least respectable of film efforts, It’s a feast of vintage cinematic technique, glam-art sex appeal and contemporary indie style. Not the typical Hollywood roller-coaster, but rather a slow cruise through the darkest part of town, In an impossibly slick black sedan. The story, the chronicle of a burned-out hit-man’s quest for vengeance, is played out amidst a world of perverse secrets, professional lies and political murders. The action percolates and simmers, often boiling over with sex and violence, but never cheapens itself with an overtly gratuitous explosion. Instead, the blood and pyrotechnics are applied for impact, not mindless flash-effect.

First, we are inducted into the films world with a sepia-toned smoking advisory and title-card. We then meet our (anti) hero, Stanley Cashay, through flash backs and the voiced-over memories of his deceased wife. Cashay, a retired triggerman for the shadowy ‘Intelligencia’, is brought to a sort of spooky half-life by the gaunt look and smooth mannerisms of Randy Russell ("American Job"). His suit, shades and smokes all invoke to the uber-cool secret agent men of a hipper time. Cue the funky, retro credits, and you can almost hear the door to the slick black sedan click shut behind you. ’Modus’ is rolling, and you’re along for the ride.

In the step with the films deliberate pacing, We then bare witness to a deal gone dirty, and are introduced to our ‘bad-guys‘:. Squire Parks, An altogether too-smooth politician portrayed with oily aplomb by Michael Sottile ("Reservoir Dogs"), the crooked Copper Gore, played by Mark Metcalf, and his long haired associate Dallas Deacon played by noted independent film-maker Mark Borchardt ("American Movie.") Lest we think these miscreants aren‘t carrying enough criminal credentials, enter Danny Trejo as bad-ass boss-man Director Holiday. Trejo’s brand of gravel-voiced menace immediately fills the screen, and your consciousness, like the sight of a venomous snake coiled for the lunge.

The holy-grail of the story is also established, in the form of two much-sought after black briefcases. Cashay must track them down and bring them back to his former handlers in the Intelligencia. The assignment is made irresistible when the ‘good-guys’ offer Cashay the chance to avenge his wife’s murder.

What follows is a tension building skulk through an attractively gritty, sexy underworld of strippers and killers, that spans from the dark alleys of Milwaukee to the bright lights of Tokyo. It is a darkly fantastic landscape, made real with the use of period-appropriate props, and peopled with the genre-essential cast of supporting characters. There is the always cooperative privateer, Casey Thunderbird (Barry Polterman,) the deliciously sexy hit-woman, Black Licorice (Nicole Johnson,) and a whole host of agents, assassins, hit-girls and hotties. A series of hand-offs, coded conversations and doubles crosses move the story along smoothly, without every letting up the pressure that has been steadily re-doubling since the first turn of the projector.

The drama is expertly punctuated with shoot-outs, car chases and even a brief, but impacting homage to Hitchcock’s classic thriller North By North West. All the while, the viewers sense that they have been taken on a ride that is far more than they had bargained for sinks deeper into the psyche, which is cruising more and more comfortably with every passing 8 mm. frame.

Over the course of the film, we are shown several clips of what appears to be beta-cam recorded video of young women seemingly auditioning for porno. As the story progresses, we come to understand the true nature of the footage, how it ties the principals players together, and ultimately, what they, and it, convey to us about the true meaning of power. This last idea, the meaning of power, is driven home for the audience in a climactic encounter between Squire Parks and Director Holiday, where Trejo’s words and deeds can only be described as pure Vato Loco, HOMES!

All in all, Frankie Latina and Milwaukee-based Special Entertainment can be very proud of Modus Operandi. They have not only succeeded in bringing a spot-on homage to the hard-hitting , so-called exploitation genre to a modern audience, but they have managed to remind us that a good film is about transporting the audience.

Modus Operandi is sure winner that takes you through the shadows and into another world. Now that I know, I can tell you; between the cool tunes of the sound-track, the seemingly endless supply of Hot bodies and the cold, calculated style of Stanley Cashay, it’s a world in which you will be fully engrossed, and won’t ever want to leave.

Film: "Modus Operandi"
Director: Frankie Latina
Film's website: www.frankielatina.com
Screening at Reel Fest, March 14th, 2011 www.reelfest.org

Review written by Joseph James Bellamy
Editor: Rod Webber
Published by Reel Zine
© Reel Zine 2011